Friend for 30yrs is ill(got into Rx %26 street drugs %26 alcohol.Her liver/kidneys are failing.Shes attempted suicide. Never like that in school; even thru her 1st marriage.She %26 husb div over other issues/remarried;had a child.They split(he was in the closet I think). She remarried 3rd time,had a child.Somewhere in this time she got into drugs/battled depression.Lost her job, got a 3rd div%26 lost custody of both kids.She's been to rehab countless x's %26 her fam is just as bad.This is going to sound awful-publicly Im afraid to be seen/assoc w/her b/c of her rep.I feel bad for not "being there" Ive sent cards/flowers,but only called a few x's. I feel guilty.One of my parents died of sub abuse- I can relate.Do I jeopardize my reputation %26 my kid's rep? I sought advise from fam who said stay clear b/c of her drug prob(didnt want to give police wrong idea about my fam).My kids %26 I arent into drugs at all. How do I help w/o involv my fam?Should I worry what others think?She looks awful;like death
Answer:
I truly feel for you, but a person like this can 't be helped by anybody but themselves, if she doesn't want to help herself there's nothing you can do. Don't get your kids involved. Kids today have enough on their plates they don't need someone else's hang-ups added to them. Good luck
Call her, if she agree to let you help her, and is willing to try to stop Go to her, be there for her and help her through.
If she continues using then stay away.
Sorry, but I have no sympathy for drug users, and the like.
First, who cares what people think? That should not be important to you when someone's life is on the line. Second, you're not a professional. I would contact individuals from AA and other like places to get some advice. I'm sure her husband and others have tried to help but you really need some professional advice...Also, let her know that she's viable and important and her children need her. It's not too late to start over...she needs to hear that. When you're around her or whenever you go, expect the worst so you don't have a crazy look on your face when you do see her. She does not need to feel judged. She needs to know that that wonderful person you knew is still there, alive and well. I'll be praying for her and you.
My sympathies are with you. My bro is going through the same thing. Only the afflicted person can pull themselves out of their quagmire. However, there are numerous on-line sites that help many with their substance abuse problems. The anonymity the sites offer is good for some, and seeing someone else in exactly your predicament is often an awakening experience. Good luck; and if you are sincerely trying to help her, others will see virtue in your actions.
Sometimes in life we should not worry of what other think of us for helping someone. I am not an expert but what you should do is have a heart to heart conversation with your friend! make her understand that life is great and that those wonderful kids still need her more that those drugs. If she is not ready to make that life change, she is going to disappoint you!! The change needs to come from her and it has got to be a deep life change. people can go to the best rehabs but if they dont want to make the change, it aint going to happen! All you can do is try to help her help her self. You may be the one that makes her understand and the only hope for her... if so, God will help you with her... Good Luck!
You are a perfect candidate to enable her illness. I do agree that she is in a bad place, and yes you can give her come support and you have by sending her cards etc. I think that is where you need to stop. Doing more will not help her friend, but maybe will help you feel better. She has to be dealt with by professionals and she is the only one who can decide whether she wants help or not. A lot of this is your friend's own doing making the wrong choices and I am sure help have been offered before. Is she even going to AA/NA meetings ? These are the people who will support her for starters. They are pretty strict with what they expect from recovery.
I'm so sorry about your friend. She has to want the help and seek it out for herself. Every time I tried to help in situations like this, it brought really awful drama into my home and I've even had items stolen from me to be sold at pawn shops and and then the money was used to buy drugs. You are concerned and love her but it's best to let her seek out professional help when she is ready. If she is still using, she will get drugs at any cost. That means stealing and lying. I know it's hard to watch but it's best you remove yourself from the situation. Only she can help herself. There is nothing you can do unless she comes to you and asks for help. I've been through this too and until she wants help, it's not going to change. I know how hard it is. It's not your job to save her though. It's her job. I know this sounds tough and mean but it's really the only way. If she asks for help, that's great. Let her know you will be there when she is ready to stop.
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