My first born committed suicide at the age of 27. That was over 10 years ago. To this day I cry almost daily. I can't talk about it without crying. I can't visit his gravesite - it's devistating. I've lost my family, my home, my business and I guess my mind as well. Theraphy and meds are useless. I don't blame myself - but I can think of a million things I could have done differently as a mother. I should have at least seen that he had a problem. My other son is 32 and has had 3 strokes in the past year. The doctors are on top of it, but I can't get over the fear that he may die. If he does they may as well bury me with him. Please help if you can.
Answer:
It is never easy to get over Death, and it's much harder when it's the death of someone u love, a son, daughter, partner.
And i guess it is Hell when u have to face the fact that yr loved one committed suicide, an act of desperation. U say u don't blame yrself, but i doubt that, u can't forget and it is devastating to u coz somehow, u feel u could have prevented it. But that is soooo untrue.
I am sorry to say that but people who commit suicide, most of the time are not well enough to have a clear judgment, coz if they did they wouldn't hurt the ones they love and leave them voluntarily. U have to understand that completely so u can stop blaming yrself coz by that alone u can be assured that nothing u would have said or done could have changed his decision.
Now as a mother yr priority have to change and u have to think of the living, i am sorry to say that, but u should only focus now on yr son, live and cherish every moment with him, have a life and build memories, instead of dwelling on the past and what could have or would have.
I am urging u to stop grieving over yr dead son and start living with yr very much alive one, he's the one that matters now.
Many churches offer grief counseling, they have classes for people who have lost children, parents, everything. You meet with other people in the same position as you, and you learn that you are not alone in your grief. Try this.
Well i would suggest that you keep thinking positive becuase if you keep thinking negative you are only upsetting yourself. Dont be afraid to talk with your doctor or proest about your problems . Hope all goes well for you . Good luck
Think positive
What you've got to do is just say everything happens for a reason. God has done this for a reason you may never see it but there is a reason. You need to go to a therapist and listen to what she or he says. You need to stick close to your other son. Try to get your life back and live it. Some days you may need to let a cry out go ahead! Think of the good times and not the suicide
Good Luck
Live! Live for your son's memory. Live for all that is good in the world. Make a stand for something or your fall for everything. Enjoy the life your living son has. Seek counsel in a church or through a hospital support group. Read daily affirmations that are positive. God Bless you. I will pray for you.
I can't say that I can totaly understand your situtation. But I do know where you are comming from. About three years ago I lost my mother, I was 19 years old. It was just my sister and myself left to our family. I didn't think I could live, or I didn't want to without her, I just wanted to be burried next to her. Then my sister told me something that probably saved my life. She told me you can't do this to me, if you leave me I will have nobody else. I know it's hard to move on and live life, but you have to if not for yourself for the others that love you. You can't be that selfish. Would your son want you to behave this way? He'd probably be very upset if he knew you held his death over your head. Just something to think about. May God bless you!
First, you'll never "get past" your son's suicide. You can hope to reorder your life so that it is better than it is now. It's interesting that you say you don't blame yourself and then "think of a million things I could have done differently."
It seems like you are being very hard on yourself. All of us do the best we can with what we have in any given situation. Losing a child, especially to suicide, is the toughest thing anyone can face. It must be hard to keep moving on every day. It's easy now to say you should have seen he had a problem. The issue is, when we're that close to a situation, we can't see things like that. You did what you could.
If you continue to beat yourself up, you may go on living like you are. If you can forgive yourself just a little, or believe in the potential of something better, you may just be able to start taking small steps toward the life you want. I'm available by email if you'd like
First of all I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I know the greif must be devastating.
It sounds like you have tried therapy and meds but have you gone in with the mindset that you are ready to move past the greif?
I am a therapist and so many times when I am working with someone who has had a suicide in the family they feel as though if they "get over it" they are doing a betraying their loved one.
In greif I often tell people your never going to forget or "get over" the death but you can learn to cope and continue living. However this is only possible if YOU are ready and make a decision to do so.
If you feel your ready I would go to a therapist who specializes in greif, I would also seek psychiatry who will really listen to your needs and prescribe meds accordingly. Also, I believe a support group is imparriative. You need a group of peers, who can understand first hand. There are usually multiple suviror of suicide groups. If there is not, start one and hold in in your sons memory.
As for your guilt, it would be abnormal if you did not feel guilty. However, people who choose to take their lives often do so unprovoked. It was ultimately his decision, there is nothing in this world that could have stopped him, nothing you could have said more or less ect. It is NOT your fault.
Please seek support, best of luck to you.
I agree that you will never really get over it. There is no worse thing than the loss of a child. I would suggest you do some research on the 5 stages of grief. It may be that you haven't moved properly through the stages. Good luck and good luck to your son too!
Hello,
Have you ever heard of Bert Hellinger work?
http://www.hellinger.com/international/e...
If you have any chance to go his "workshop" it will be more than of use.
Sometimes a suicide is committed because of a wish to follow somebody they have loved to the other side.
And there is nothing and nobody who can prevent that - be aware of the situation that is happening to you with your other son! He needs Mom (love) - not fear.This is possible to be resolved! Hope that this will be of use.Stay brave - S.
I would agree with others that talking to people who have been in the same situation as you may help. Especially those who have come through the otherside. I know when one of my relatives died I was very sad - seeing someone else who had been in the same situation who could laugh and joke and still be able to speak fondly of the one they loved gave me hope and strength that I could do the same.
I tend to see my relatives death as a link to the otherside, they will be there for me when I die.
I know you feel scared for your other son, but you have brought them up the best you can - and thats all you can ever do, that's all any of us can ever do. Be with your son, spend time with him, talk with him and most of all laugh with him.
I'm not sure it would help, but you could go to a spiritualist church or medium you trust. I'm sure your first born would not have wanted you to feel so much sadness over him for so long, try to talk to someone about him, about who he was and what you loved about him.
I hope my words help in some way, my thoughts are with you
My heart is with you, that is very devasting. There is never a timeline where you can get over something like that. Everyone grieves in their own for however long they want. Loosing someone that close to you is very hard, you should just take it one day at a time, and if you want to cry then cry. You should still try to live for today though, wouldnt your son want that?
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